How to Help Teens and Tweens Regulate Overwhelming Emotions
Riding the emotions during the tween and teen years can feel like staying afloat through tidal waves. One moment your child is laughing, and the next, they're slammed with frustration, tears, or anger. It’s not because they’re dramatic, it’s because their brains and bodies are changing rapidly, and they’re still learning how to make sense of all the changes.
As a parent it’s easy to feel unsure of how to support them through the intensity. The good news? With some tools, guidance, and empathy, you can help your teen or tween better understand and regulate their emotions and strengthen your relationship in the process.
Understand What’s Going On Beneath the Surface
First, it’s important to recognize that emotional dysregulation is normal in this stage of development. The adolescent brain is still under construction, especially in the areas responsible for impulse control, decision-making, and emotional regulation. That’s why teens and tweens are more likely to:
Overreact to small frustrations
Struggle to calm down once they’re upset
Withdraw or explode with little warning
Feel overwhelmed by seemingly “small” situations
What feels like defiance or moodiness is often a sign that your child doesn’t yet have the skills to manage what they’re feeling. When we shift from seeing it as misbehavior to seeing it as a skill gap, we can approach it with more compassion and confidence.
Be Their Calm in the Storm
When your child is emotionally flooded, your calm presence is what matters most.
Co-regulation is the process of helping someone feel safe and grounded by being regulated yourself. It’s not about fixing, talking them out of their feelings, or jumping to solutions, it’s about being emotionally available and steady.
Here are a few ways to co-regulate:
Take a few deep breaths yourself to stay grounded
Speak slowly and gently
Sit beside them without demanding they “talk it out”
Offer a statement like, “I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll get through this together.”
Over time, your calm presence teaches them what it feels like to ride the emotional wave without being consumed by it.
Help Them Name What They Feel
One of the most powerful tools for emotional regulation is emotional literacy, the ability to name and understand feelings.
When we can name what we feel, we can make better sense of it and not be so overwhelmed by it. It helps if you model this in daily life with examples like:
“You seemed really frustrated when your plans changed. I’d feel that way too.”
“It looks like you’re feeling a mix of nervous and excited, that makes sense before a big event.”
“I noticed you went quiet after your friend didn’t text back. Did that feel disappointing?”
This approach helps kids feel seen and supported while also expanding their emotional vocabulary.
Validate First. Problem-Solve Later.
Your instinct might be to fix things quickly or offer advice, explain, or minimize the problem to make your child feel better. What they really need first is to feel understood. Validate their feelings by acknowledging that what your child is feeling is real and matters to them, even if you don’t fully understand or agree.
Try these validation phrases:
“That sounds really hard.”
“It makes sense that you feel that way.”
“I can see why that would be upsetting.”
Only after they feel heard will they be ready to explore coping tools or solutions.
Teach Coping Tools That Match the Moment
Once your child is calm, you can begin teaching simple, practical tools that help them navigate big emotions in the future.
Here are some teen- and tween-friendly strategies:
1. Grounding Techniques
5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste
Use a fidget or textured item to redirect energy
Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube
2. Breathing Exercises
Box breathing (Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
Belly breathing (Place a hand on the stomach to feel it rise and fall)
3. Movement
Go for a short walk
Dance, stretch, or do jumping jacks to reset energy
Try a few yoga poses together
4. Creative Expression
Write in a journal
Doodle, color, or paint emotions
Make a music playlist for different moods
Coping skills are not one-size-fits-all. Encourage your child to try a few and identify what helps them.
Model the Regulation You Want to See
Your child learns more from what you do than what you say.
If you want them to grow up with healthy emotional regulation, show them what it looks like in real life:
Talk about your own feelings (still keeping it age-appropriate): “I felt overwhelmed today, so I took a few minutes to breathe.”
Apologize when you lose your cool: “I raised my voice earlier, and I wish I had paused instead. I’m sorry.”
Let them see you practicing self-care, setting boundaries, or stepping away to reset
You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be real and willing to grow alongside them.
Normalize the Hard Stuff
Let your child know that overwhelming emotions are a normal part of life, not something to avoid or be ashamed of. You can say things like:
“Everyone feels like this sometimes, even adults.”
“It’s okay to cry, feel confused, or be mad. Emotions aren’t bad, they're human.”
“You’re not too much. We’ll figure this out together.”
These affirmations go a long way in building self-trust and resilience.
When to Seek Additional Support
Sometimes, emotional regulation challenges go beyond what can be supported at home. If your child is:
Consistently overwhelmed
Withdrawing from friends or activities
Experiencing intense mood swings
Having trouble sleeping or eating
Talking about self-harm or feeling hopeless
These are signs it may be time to seek professional help. Working with a licensed therapist who understands teen and tween development, especially for neurodivergent individuals, can give your child (and you!) additional tools and support.
Helping your teen or tween regulate overwhelming emotions isn’t about eliminating big feelings—it’s about giving them the tools, language, and support to understand and move through them. It takes time, practice, and patience for both of you. Building emotional resilience is a skill that will serve them for years to come.
About Seasons of Possibilities
At Seasons of Possibilities, I offer individual and group therapy for teens, tweens, and parents navigating anxiety, overwhelm, and big life transitions. We create a safe space where you, your child, or the whole family can feel heard, respected, and empowered to grow.
Check out these related posts:
How to Use Journaling Prompts to Connect With Your Child
Top Books for Parents and Teens Recommended by a Licensed Therapist